An Experiment In Love With Two Performers Who May Or May Not Be Involved With Other People


MUSICIAN
Good evening, kind audience members. Welcome to " An Experiment In Love With Two Performers Who May Or May Not Be Involved With Other People".

ALPHA
The purpose of this play is to see if this play can make us fall in love--

BETA
despite the fact that [a reason you can't fall in love with ALPHA].

ALPHA
Hey, you know, [a reason you can't fall in love with BETA]. But for the sake of this play, we should kepe a more open mind. Besides, I really am an okay person. I like to think that I'm a good _____.

BETA
The playwright has fallen in love recently and now he wants everyone to be in love. He has developed 10 tasks that you must complete to trick someone into falling in love with you.

ALPHA
Why has it got to be "trick"? Why not "allow"? Have you no romantic sensibility?

BETA
I would have used _____. However, the script read "trick". I guess love doesn't spoil cynicism.

MUSICIAN
Introduce yourself.

ALPHA
Hello, my name is [real name].

BETA
Hi, my name is [real name].

MUSICIAN
Share a drink.

ALPHA
What is your favorite drink?

BETA
[Favorite Drink].

ALPHA
Excellent. Here it is.

[ALPHA gives BETA its favorite drink and has one itself.]

BETA
To what shall we toast?

ALPHA
To the way your nose crinkles when you think.

BETA
You'd say that to anyone that had my role.

ALPHA
Yes, but if I were to say something romantic to you, it would be _____.

MUSICIAN
Exchange your digits as in phone numbers.

ALPHA
___

BETA
___

MUSICIAN
Tell each other about yourselves.

ALPHA
[unflattering fact about self].

BETA
Ok. That's not so bad. [unflattering fact about self].

ALPHA
Ok. That's not so bad either.

MUSICIAN
Check in with your friends. If your friends are unavailable, check in with the audience.

ALPHA and BETA
So FRIENDS / AUDIENCE, do you think I should be falling in love with _____?

[If the response is positive, say, "Ok. Great. This isn't crazy." If the response is negative, say, "Sometimes other people just don't understand." If the audience does nothing, say, "Please, audience, we need guidance."]

MUSICIAN
There's nothing like a good meal.

ALPHA
Would you like some ______.

BETA
How did you know that I really enjoy ______?

ALPHA
It's in the script.

BETA
So you're just doing all of this because of the script?

ALPHA
No, [say something nice about BETA].

[They eat.]

MUSICIAN
Gifts are never a bad thing.

BETA
Here's a mix cd I made for you.

ALPHA
Thank you. I knew you were going to make me one so I made one for you too.

[These CDs should be a mix of romantic songs from each actor's personal music collection.]

MUSICIAN
Press your finger tips together and stare into each other's eyes.

[Long pause while they stare into each other's eyes. MUSICIAN begins to play.]

MUSICIAN
The sexy hug. The sexy hug means that you hug with your whole body. Hug with your hips. Press them together. Press your whole bodies together. Erase the space in between. If something happens, now is not yet the time. Feel each other's breaths not by the sound from the others mouth or nose, but from the pressure of each other's chests and bellies expanding and contracting. This is an act of innocence. This is an act where you learn how you can fit together.

MUSICIAN
The first kiss. For this final and ultimate test, they are going to kiss. No stage kissing is allowed. [ALPHA's name] is going to kiss [BETA's name] on the lips. As they kiss, their tongues will slide playful as children. They will embrace, hold each other, clutch onto each other as if they are alone in this room. You, our audience will no longer matter. They will exist between their breathes as the air that passes between them.

ALPHA
I could very well love you. If it was only us, alone here in this theater. If only the world around us would allow us to pass the night together. If we had no other lives than here on this stage.

BETA
Stop reciting your lines and kiss me.

[They kiss as described above. The kiss should last long enough that the audience realizes that they really are making out for real.]

BETA
Tell me honestly, not actor to actor, but person to person, [ALPHA's name] to [BETA's name], when you kiss me, do you taste possibility?

[Fade to black.]

Curtain.



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Publications


A Gathering Of The Tribes • In Our Own Voice • Maganda Magazine • Bamboo Girl •


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Performance


Providence Improv Festival • TOO MUCH LIGHT MAKES THE BABY GO BLIND • Bard College • The Poetry Project at St. Mark's Church • Vassar College • Jigsaw • La MaMa Experimental Theatre Club • Asian Arts Initiative • the Kelly Writers House • Acentos • Bowling Green State University • National Asian American Poetry Festival • Asian American Writers' Workshop • the 215 Festival • The Philippine Embassy • Philadelphia Poetry Festival • Philadelphia Free Library • Bowery Poetry Club • Lehigh University • Borough of Manhattan Community College • Hampshire Poetry Festival • University of Connecticut • Poetry Dialogues: Balagtasan @ the Geraldine R. Dodge Poetry Festival • Yale University • Dixon Place • Fordham University • Swarthmore College • The New York Comedy Club • Fordham University • Princeton University • Polytechnic University • the Cornelia Street Cafe • Pace University • Franklin and Marshall College • Benjamin N. Cardozo School of Law, Yeshiva University • the Philadelphia Fringe Festival • SKETCHOFF!#%!! 4th Annual Asian Comedy Night • the Philadelphia Fringe Festival • the New York Fringe Festival • Columbia University • Amherst College • Cantab Lounge • Juna's • Princeton University • Cornell University • Williams College •


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Bio


F. Omar Telan was born in Industrial Philadelphia during the beginning of the 1876 centennial. With his decidedly halo halo background, Omar adds a singular perspective to Asian American expression. Influenced heavily by Neo-Surrealism and absolutely suburban fabulous, Omar appeals to his fellow artist who understands how satire sometimes involves eating children. Bombastic and introverted, he fascinates the casual audience with his ability to plumb the underbelly of his own psyche while simultaneously appreciating delicious, chilled plums.

After his father transplanted the family in the summer of 1876, Omar grew up in the then rural outskirts of Philadelphia. Omar's sole escape from the farmer's hard life was his imagination. Omar lived a separate life in the land of Honah Lee. By sheer force of will, Omar would transfer his entire body through the looking glass.

Later moving to Boston in 1894, Omar enrolled in the fledgling school of oratory known as Emerson College. To further pursue his own deification and immor(t)ality, he moved to New York City in 1897. But then came the Great Exodus of the Aughts when many fled the Naked City for greener pastures such as the City of Brotherly Love. As of 1907, he has made his home in the Sylvania. Omar has challenged audiences ranging from the La MaMa Experimental Theatre Club to the Dodge Poetry Festival to the Philippine Embassy with his brand of humor, social commentary, and gulliness. Word.



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Serious Bio


Born in Philadelphia and raised in its outlying suburbs, F. Omar Telan graduated Emerson College and the Radcliffe Publishing Course. Making his directorial debut at La Mama E.T.C. (NYC) with THE EDGE OF THE WORLD, he has performed theatrically at P.S. 122 (NYC), the New York Fringe Festival, and the Philadelphia Fringe Festival. His poetry has been published in journals such as A GATHERING OF THE TRIBES and OUR OWN VOICE; and he has read his work at the Poetry Project at St. Mark's Church (NYC), the Kelly Writers House (Philadelphia), the National Asian American Poetry Festival (NYC), the Philippine Embassy (DC), and the Geraldine R. Dodge Poetry Festival (Waterloo Village, NJ). As a member of the New York Neo-Futurists, he shared a 2006 New York Innovative Theatre Award for Outstanding Performance Art Production for TOO MUCH LIGHT MAKES THE BABY GO BLIND.


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This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution - Noncommercial - No Derivative Works 3.0 United States License.
photo of me peeking by Jen Cleary